Things I Was Doing (While You Were Hating My Blackness)

waking up later than I wanted to/ taking my dog on a walk/ sweating from just below my breast so that it makes a trail of sweat that makes it to my belly button/ washing my hair/ eating a well balanced breakfast/ running up a steep hill/ losing my breath/ eating ice cream/ smelling something that might be eucalyptus but I'm not completely sure/ writing a story about Gabe, because he died/ thinking about what I should be writing more than writing/ baking a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting/ picking up my dog's shit/ sitting at a red light next to a bus/ drinking rye whiskey on the rocks/ thinking about a trip to Paris/ remembering the time I went to Raging Waters and how much I appreciated that effort my mom made but hating every minute of it/ going to see Jill Scott in concert/ eating roasted carrots/ walking to Whole Foods/ ignoring my responsibilities/ drinking alone/ asking for patience/ peeing/ taking very good care of my hair/ watching a movie with people that are uncomfortable with homosexuality/ being ashamed of the way I was/ loving the sound of my own voice when I hit that one note/ listening to David Bowie/ wondering whatever happened to Devon Sawa/ wandering down a desolate street looking over my shoulder/ fearing the unknown more than the known/ reading the NYTimes/ eating two eggs scrambled and toast with strawberry jam/ smiling/ making plans to travel and maybe staying far away/ watching a tv show about a woman who cheats on her boyfriend then has to live with the consequences/ dating/ cleaning my apartment over the course of 4 days/ wondering if I'll ever have enough/ laughing in a park/ trying four out of ten of the fro-yo flavors and ending up with chocolate/ moving my bed to the other side of the room/ laugh so loud and so full that I get a reputation as that girl/ driving my new friend home because she is just too small to walk alone/ working/ describing the plot to Adventures in Babysitting/ making mistakes/ meditating/ trying to have faith that I'll ever fall in love again/ feeling general anxiety about the world and how I fit/ crossing traffic/ trusting/ feeling exhausted/ texting my favorite person at all hours of the day/ watching my dog chase flies/ laughing at my own jokes